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I feel so out of control. I am envisioning my new life, relatively joyless, sexless, lonely, and isolated. And all of this angst x sadness is being experienced in secret. How does one handle heartbreak that is a secret? Part of me wonders if I am even entitled to any of this grief, that maybe I deserve this for being fro adulterer. Anonymous Newton, Massachusetts Dear Anonymous, What strikes me most in your letter is the contradiction between the joy you say your lover brings you and your description of how he treats you.

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Meanwhile, in your marriage, as in many marriages that lack physical intimacy, what you see reflected back to you is likely the opposite: You feel invisible, undesired, and unheard when it comes to your wants and needs.

Asit takes form in the mirror our parents hold up to us. Do they delight in our presence?

Do they see our beauty? Do they respond to our wants and needs? Do we matter to them?

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If so, an image of ourselves as worthy and lovable is reflected back to us, and we begin to integrate it into a positive self-image. Children who lack this reflection experience heartbreak and grieve alone, because the adults they would normally share their inner worlds with are the very people they feel hurt by. As adults, many of them end up in marriages that resemble their childhood. Perhaps without realizing it, you sought out what felt familiar to you from your childhood—the pain of feeling helpless and alone.

Early on, when the sexual problems became apparent, how did you and your husband talk about them? Sexual issues can stem from so many causes: health problems, stress, poor communication, medication side effects, a history of abuse, trauma, negative body image—and all of these are tangled up with feelings a person has around being wanted and loved, and feeling connected to someone else.

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As you think back to how these interactions went, do you feel that you were a true partner in working through this issue together, or did you feel so personally injured, so much like the helpless victim in this story, that you framed this as something that your husband needed to work out alone? Was your therapist truly suggesting that you deceive your husband with a covert affair, or rather that you talk with him about the possibility of opening up the marriage and cchat if the two of you might find a different way forward?

My clothes are coming off the second you get home. Sext Type 2: Requests Tell me what you think about when you masturbate.

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I need you inside of me right now. I want you to make you come.

Put it in my mouth. Let me take control tonight.

Get over here right now. I want you to be really rough. I love thinking about you spanking me and pulling my hair.

I like thinking about you touching yourself. I read this article about anal today, and it got me thinking. I had such a good dream about you last night.

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I thought of something I want to do to you tonight. I just got out of the shower.

Sext Type 5: Past Memories I miss feeling you inside of me. Remember that time we did [fill in the blank]?

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I want you to do exactly what you did last time we [fill in the blank]. Sext Type 6: Compliments You always feel so good inside of me. I love staring at your [fill in the blank]. You make me so wet.

I love the way you make me feel. The anticipation is killing me.

What else will you do to me?